Radio & Podcasts

I’ve written comedy sketches for all sorts of radio shows and podcasts – from BBC Radio 4 Extra to The Chop House. You’ll find a small but smirksome selection below.


Radio Sketches

 
‘IT’S RAINING…’ — 0:44 mins
Mop Up: Chop House, Kooba Radio, July 2012

“Oh my God, oh my God. There was, some bloke,
he just plummeted to his death. Two that time…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘GIRLS NEXT DOOR’ — 1:27 mins
Mop Up: Chop House, Kooba Radio, July 2012

“Sarey-Warey, you know the house between ours? Well, I’ve seen a boy playing there in the garden…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘BURJ KHALIFA’ — 0:37 mins
Newsjack S2 Ep 1, BBC Radio 4 Extra, Jan 2010

“The world’s tallest building, the Burj Khalifa’s more than twice the height of the Empire State Building…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

 
‘CHALK OUTLINE’ — 1:08 mins
Mop Up: Chop House, Kooba Radio, July 2012

“Now then – as you can see from the detailed chalk outline, this lady was clearly dressed as an oyster…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘COCK-ER-NEY’ — 3:44 mins
StalkingElk Breafast Show, NTS Live, May 2012

“Evenin’ guvnors and guvnesses, n’ welcome to this ten-week, ten-step Cockney for ‘Mericans course…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘THE KING OF POP’ — 0:21 mins
Newsjack S1 Ep 3, BBC Radio 7, July 2009

“I could not believe it when I heard that the King of
Pop was no more. But in the end I was relieved…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >


Podcast Sketches

 
‘SWAN LOVE’ — 0:38 mins
Series 1, Ep 14, The Chop House, June 2012

“Aw, Dave, have a look at those swans over there, swimming together. ‘Cor, aren’t they adorable?…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘ANIMAL RECORDS’ — 1:31 mins
Series 1, Ep 14, The Chop House, June 2012

“It’s quite simple. Our records state that a pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. I’m just checking…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘WHISPERS’ — 0:42 mins
Series 1, Ep 13, The Chop House, June 2012

“I’m in trouble my friend. Much trouble. And I need your help. See, what has happened is [whispers]…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘CHAIRMAN MAO’ — 1:31 mins
Series 1, Ep 10, The Chop House, June 2012

“That weird receding hairline, that enormous chin
pimple, that nondescript Soviet-style military outfit…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘LOGO DESIGN’ — 1:31 mins
Series 1, Ep 8, The Chop House, May 2012

“Of course, I know that it’s been a tough few months
here at Bread and Buddha vegetarian restaurant…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘PIG KIDNEY’ — 0:34 mins
Recorded for The Chop House but not used

“Lovely cup of tea coming your way. Yeah, of course,
I will – I’ll put a couple of Hobnobs on the saucer…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

 
‘LAST MEAL’ — 1:40 mins
Series 1, Ep 14, The Chop House, June 2012

“The dauphinois potatoes weren’t especially, well, dauphinois. They were more like cheesy chips…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘CALL IT FATE’ — 1:39 mins
Series 1, Ep 13, The Chop House, June 2012

“Now here we are ten years later in the very same
bar. There’s only one name for a thing like that…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘COMMENTARY’ — 2:45 mins
Series 1, Ep 11, The Chop House, June 2012

“As our hero is taken away by Marinov’s henchmen, we see his mood reflected in the mise-en-scene…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘BIRD-WATCHING’ — 0:43 mins
Series 1, Ep 9, The Chop House, June 2012

“Now then, we’ll be looking out for a few different species of bird today. In particular, the blue tit…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘THE SOLDIER’ — 0:46 mins
Series 1, Ep 6, The Chop House, May 2012

“So let me get this straight. Name: unknown. Date
of birth: unknown. Address: unknown. An enigma..”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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‘VAN GOGH’ — 0:13 mins
Recorded for The Chop House but not used

“No, it’s ‘Go’.” “It’s ‘Goff’.” “Go.” “Goff.” “Go.” “Goff.” “Go.” “Goff.” “Go.” “Goff.” — “Actually, it’s Gock…”

Click to listen to the full sketch >

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