Articles & Blogs

Jesus Creator of ‘Take My Wife’ Joke

An article for NewsThump, September 2012
"Magician, after-supper speaker and stand-up comedian; we must reluctantly accept that JC was one of the top all-round entertainers of the last 2,000 years, right up there with Brucey..."

Killing Time in Europe’s Best Cemeteries

An article for StalkingElk Magazine, November 2011
“An inexorable fixture in every childhood - whether burying your gran, losing your virginity or dabbling in the occult - cemeteries are also great for killing time prior to your own demise..."

Top Marx: When Socialism Meets Tourism

An article for StalkingElk Magazine, July 2011
“China now has more KFC outlets than giant pandas. A mere two decades after some vexed Germans shouted at a wall, the country's about as socialist as Joseph McCarthy in a kaftan..."

CHERYL COLE: GEORDIE MARTYR?

A competition entry for IdeasTap, June 2011
"Three weeks. That’s all it took. Three measly weeks for Cheryl’s role as chief mollycoddler of the musically mental to be cruelly snatched away. Word is, she was axed for her accent..."

Weird Beards and other Bohemian Oddities

An article for StalkingElk Magazine, April 2011
“In the heartlands of Bohemia, Christian institutions offer much more than just war-mongering scripture, cheap magic tricks and kiddy-fiddling clergymen. They offer bizarre trinkets too..."

England Must Get Back to Losing Ways

Caught Offside Magazine, December 2010
"After a week of debates, accusations and excuses, England has finally learnt exactly why its World Cup pity plea ended its life nestling in the U-bend of an Alpen-clogged Swiss shitter…”

An End to Fringe Bashing

A competition entry for IdeasTap, November 2010
“This festival sees all of Britain’s most insufferable, preening, self-obsessed performer-brats wobble around on tartan stilts and expose their genitalia with little to no artistic justification..."

Why I Love the Manc Accent

An article for Red C Magazine, January 2010
"When I was growing up, I was always jealous of people with accents. Wouldn’t it be brilliant, I thought, to be able to ask for jellied eels, or a sausage barm, without sounding like a twat..."

Billygean’s Blog: Hooray for the Humdrum

An article for Red C Magazine, December 2009
"I have not always been a big fan of blogs, and it’s the ‘personal diaries’ that have traditionally acquired the majority of my goat. “Come on”, I thought. “Wake up and smell the narcissism"..."

Cutting It At The Edinburgh Fringe

An article for Scriptwriter Magazine, January 2008
“On the city's pretty Royal Mile, actors, singers, dancers, jugglers, stuntpeople, wrestlers and inexplicably semi-naked hypnotists all indiscriminately thrust their pamphlets at passers-by…”

Whatever Happened to the Britcom? (Part Two)

An article for Scriptwriter Magazine, January 2008
"While mainstream sitcoms have to play to the lowest common denominator, recent sitcoms are appealing to niche audiences, so can comment on highly specific cultural phenomena..."

Whatever Happened to the Britcom? (Part One)

An article for Scriptwriter Magazine, November 2007
“If a programme is billed as Sitcom, an audience can expect a thirty-minute, scripted, self-contained narrative comedy involving a small ensemble of recurring fictional characters…”