Sketches

Peppa Pig World

A sketch for The Skewer S5 Ep 4, BBC Radio 4, November 2021
"My office was vandalised this morning. Some thugs had written 'Tory sleaze' all over it" "Peppa, what a wonderful picture you have painted…"

Paper Straws: A Public Service Announcement

Comedy sketch filmed as part of 'Birds: Pluck' live show, May 2019
- “Hey, what are you doing? That's my plastic straw."
- "Plastic straw... or whale harpoon? 'Cos as far as I'm concerned, they're the same thing..."

Birds at the Leicester Square Theatre

Comedy sketches performed at Sketch Off!, April 2018
- “You're not using protection? Are you crazy? You know how easily accidents can happen..."
- "I know, I know, but it just... it feels so much better. Try it..."

Chalk – 1:08 Mins

A sketch for Mop Up on Kooba Radio, July 2012
- “This chalk outline on the floor: it's a cock and balls. There's the cock... and there's the balls."
- "No, no, sir, that's the murder victim. He was quite a straight, stocky bloke, I suppose..."

Rain – 0:44 Mins

A sketch for Mop Up on Kooba Radio, July 2012
- “Oh my God! What the hell is going on? This is like a mass suicide or something. It's horrific!"
- "Kind of sexy, though..."

Two Scots: Objects

A promo for The Chop House comedy podcast, February 2012
- “Donna was telling me how she keeps catching her man shagging the couch. And is no just the couch, either. Kitchen drawers, the video player, Henry Hoover: you name it, he shags it…”

Two Scots: Gym

A promo for The Chop House comedy podcast, February 2012
- "So I had this gym induction earlier. And the guy says to us ‘Why're you joining?’ So I says "I wanna get inta shape." Know what he says? "If you're going for a circle you're nearly there"..."

Two Scots: Man

A promo for The Chop House comedy podcast, February 2012
- "I says to him, "Look pal, I’m happy here, just leave us alone, will ya?", but he wasnae having none of it. He says to us "No man's an island Bonnie" so I says "What about the Isle of Man?"…”

Two Scots: Twat

A promo for The Chop House comedy podcast, February 2012
“She went "Can I just say... you’re a twat". So I said "No you cannae, it's not nice." An' she said "So can I think you're a twat?" So I said "I cannae stop ya". So she said "I think you're a twat"..."

Burj Khalifa

A sketch for Newsjack S2 Ep 1, BBC Radio 4 Extra, January 2010
“The Burj Khalifa is over twice the height of the Empire State Building. At an unprecedented 828 metres high, it can be seen from over 95 kilometres away. Are there any questions?…”

The King of Pop

A sketch for Newsjack S1, Ep 3 on BBC Radio 4 Extra, July 2009
“Er, well, I couldnae believe it when I heard on BBC Radio Scotland that the King of Pop was no more. Though in the end I was relieved, 'cos I thought they had stopped selling Irn Bru…”