Killing Time in Europe’s Best Cemeteries

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

I’ve had a new travel article published in the latest issue of stalkingElk (a comedy satire magazine, for which I am the ‘roaming correspondent’) about the very best cemeteries to visit in Europe. Here’s how it all starts…

“You can’t beat a good graveyard. An inexorable fixture in every childhood – whether burying your gran, losing your virginity or dabbling in the occult – cemeteries also offer the more adult pleasure of killing time prior to your own pathetic demise. So however you like to do it, from taking a walk out of the grim city to spotting D-list celebrity gravestones, here are ten of the continent’s finest time-killing cemeteries…”

If you’d like to read more of ‘Killing Time in Europe’s Best Cemeteries’ – and you really should, you know – you can click here for the whole article. Or if you want to read more similarly-flippant comedy nonsense, you can visit the stalkingElk website to buy the whole mag for three measly quid.

Top Marx: When Socialism Meets Tourism

Posted on July 22, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

I’ve had a new travel article published in the July issue of stalkingElk – a comedy satire mag, for which I’m the ‘roaming correspondent’ – all about when socialism meets tourism. Here’s how it begins:

“Look at the condition of communism today and it’s easy to conclude that Karl Marx has been forgotten. China is now home to twice as many KFC outlets as giant pandas. Vietnam is famed for its vast income and gender inequalities. And while Laos’ clampdown on the media is a big commie tick, its free market policy is like defecating directly into Lenin’s cold, dead gullet. Each of these states, a mere two decades after some vexed Germans shouted at a wall, are now about as socialist as Joseph McCarthy in a kaftan.

However, not every socialist state has opened its arms and spread its legs to greet rampant capitalism: there are still three corners of the globe where hard-line communism stubbornly prevails. Three of the most unique and alien places on earth. Which makes them three of the most interesting places to visit…”

If you’d like to read more of ‘Top Marx: When Socialism Meets Tourism’, you can click here for the whole article. Or if you want to read more of the kind, you can visit the stalkingElk website and buy the whole mag for just £3. Bargain!

Socialism & Tourism #3: North Korea

Posted on July 1, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

Prior to the release of my new travel article about socialist tourism, I will be previewing a few of the commie states featured. This last one is North Korea.

If travel is about experiencing other ways of life, then it doesn’t get more ‘other’ than this. North Korea is the most isolated country on earth, cut off from reality by a totalitarian communist government that imprisons its citizens in a 1950s vacuum. This not only means North Koreans have never questioned Lady Gaga’s gender or not shut up about The bloody Wire: they have no idea man has been to the moon.

Consequently, visitors must accept strict limitations on what they say, as well as what they see. But that doesn’t mean the tourism is humdrum – not a bit of it. Visit the Democratic People’s Republic and you’ll get to board a captured US warship, be dwarfed by a colossal bronze dictator and witness the largest gymnastics festival on earth. Oh, and you’ll get sneaky peeks of reality too, like malnourished workers in rice fields and legions of rats scurrying through the metro. Continue reading →

Socialism & Tourism #2: Transdniestr

Posted on June 24, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

Prior to the release of my new travel article about socialist tourism, I will be previewing a few of the socialist states featured. This time, it’s Transdniestr.

Following Poland’s 1989 overthrow of the commies, Soviet states toppled like pissed dominoes. Within two years the USSR had gone and socialism in Europe was finished. Or so you might think. Actually, as Poland and co. marched towards democracy, one sliver of Eastern Europe was left behind.

Transdniestr, a teensy region in the east of Moldova, broke away from the then Socialist Republic in 1990, following ominous rumblings of reform from Chişinău. After a two-year girly fight, a fresh yet familiar socialist system was formed under cuddly, pastry-faced autocrat Igor Smirnov… and it’s one which continues unopposed to this day. Continue reading →

Socialism & Tourism #1: Republic of Cuba

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

Prior to the July release of my new travel article about socialist tourism, I’ll be previewing a few of the commie states featured. First up, it’s Cuba.

Let’s begin with the most visited communist state in the world. In many ways, Cuba is your classic Caribbean paradise isle: home to pristine beaches, poncy hotels, sweaty nightclubs and overpriced trinkets. Yet with socialist giveaways on every corner, from omnipresent Che murals to dilapidated American Buicks, it doesn’t take Tony Robinson levels of surface-scratching to see that Cuba is an island unlike any other.

Socialist since 1959, the country now boasts over two-and-a-half million tourists – including law-dodging Yanks – each year. While most stick to the bespoke capitalist bubbles along the coast, sipping mojitos, smoking Montechristos and swaying to samba music, an intrepid few venture inland to see Castro’s Cuba for what it really is: a steaming great mass of socialist contradictions. Continue reading →

Weird Beards and Other Bohemian Oddities

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

I have had a travel article published in the May issue of stalkingElk – a brand new comedy satire magazine, for which I’m the official ‘roaming correspondent’. It’s all about the more hidden and unusual side of Prague, and here’s how it starts:

“The Czechs have given us many great words over the years: from ‘pistol’ to ‘polka’, ‘robot’ to ‘howitzer’. But when it comes to haughty pomposity, nothing beats ‘Bohemian’. A drama student’s wet dream of a moniker, it tells the world you are both somebody with artistic leanings, who refuses to conform to the conventional standards of behaviour, and a pretentious tit. So surely Prague, as the capital of Bohemia, is the world’s least conventional city. Well, if that means it has some weird shit then yes. Yes it does.

Here’s just a small sample of Prague’s many peculiarities…”

If you’d like to read more of ‘Weird Beards and Other Bohemian Oddities’, you can click here for the whole article. Or if you want to read more of the kind, you can visit the stalkingElk website and buy the whole mag for just £3. Bargain!

Bohemian Oddity #3: Mezi Ploty Festival

Posted on April 14, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

Prior to the late April release of my new travel article in stalkingElk, I’ll be previewing a few of the Bohemian oddities that will be featured. This final post is about Prague’s maddest – in every sense – music festival.

There are some amazing music festivals in Europe. If you were so inclined, you could start the party season at the multimedia, Renaissance subculture festival Netmage in Bologna, take a break at the arty, classical ponce-fest that is St. Magnus on Orkney and then end your summer with the intimately Arctic mish-mash rave of Iceland Airwaves in Reykjavik. But for all Europe’s unusual, eclectic music festivals, none come close to the bizarre two-day summer music and theatre bonanza that is Prague’s Mezi Ploty. Continue reading →

Bohemian Oddity #2: Two Pissing Men

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

Prior to the late April release of my new travel article in stalkingElk Magazine, I’ll be previewing just a few of the Bohemian oddities that will be featured. This time it’s an interactive urine-based fountain sculpture. Yes, really.

David Černý is a man who courts controversy. Whether it’s by submerging Saddam in a big tub of formaldehyde or lampooning a continent with a stereoype-fueled European Council installation, the Czech sculptor is always plotting new ways to ruffle the collective feathers of the middle classes. But nothing has got the Prague public talking more in recent years than his bizarre yet poetically-titled fountain sculpture Piss. Continue reading →

Bohemian Oddity #1: The Withered Hand

Posted on March 22, 2011 by Joseph Reaney

Prior to the April release of my new travel article in stalkingElk Magazine, I’ll be previewing just a few of the Bohemian oddities that will be featured. First up, it’s Church of St. James… and the creepy mummified arm of a 17th century thief.

Here’s how the legend goes. One night in Prague, a rather unsavoury fellow was strolling past the Church of St. James when he noticed that the door was ever-so-slightly ajar. Sensing a rare opportunity, he ventured inside to see what precious items he could pinch… and his eyes soon fell upon the jewels hanging around the neck of the Virgin Mary statue. But as he reached up to unburden the Madonna, she suddenly sprang into life and grabbed his arm, before promptly turning back into cold, hard stone. Continue reading →