Jesus Original Author of ‘Take My Wife’ Joke

Following the discovery of an old scrap of papyrus that refers to Jesus’ marriage to Mary Magdalene, experts have also revealed that it contains the first written example of the ‘Take My Wife’ punchline.

The comedy ‘bit’, in which The Saviour riffs on the subject of parking the donkey, followed by a light-hearted attempt to get shot of His prostitute spouse, is “equal parts hilarious and sacred” according to Professor Peter Lord.

“A morality tale about the treatment of mules, followed by a jibe at a disciple – this is exactly the kind of tomfoolery one expects from the self-proclaimed Son of God.”

This is the start of a new comedy news piece written for the satirical British website NewsThump (related to this little item), and you can clicky here for the whole thing.

Secret London: Attractions Hidden in Plain Sight

“London is one of the world’s most visited cities, and its shop window attractions – the Tower of London, the Houses of Parliament, the British Museum – welcome millions of visitors each year. However, there is also another, less-seen aspect to the city, where uniquely fascinating features are concealed amid the chaos.

To offer you a fresh perspective on England’s capital, Forbes Travel Guide has chosen ten of the most interesting London attractions hidden in plain sight…”

This is the opening to an article and slideshow on London’s greatest secret sights, recently written for Forbes Travel Guide. From the World’s Smallest Police Station to the Seven Noses of Soho, click here to learn something new about an ancient city.

Writing for Lime&Tonic London

For the last month or so I’ve been writing articles for the up-and-coming London travel guide ‘Lime and Tonic’, with entries so far covering everything from the World’s Smallest Police Station to the World’s Greatest House Museum.

And there’s loads more to come. You can read all my mini-entries – past, present and future – by clicking right here.

Off Mt. Everest’s Beaten Track

I feel like throwing up. My head is spinning, my stomach churning, my joints throbbing. I suck in a lungful of icy air but there isn’t enough oxygen. Yet still I ignore that pounding thought: ‘turn back, turn back’. After two weeks of physical and mental exertion, with my final destination only an hour ahead, I know I can’t give up now. So I plant a walking pole deep into the dirt track and drag my heavy body onwards. Slowly, I begin to move my legs, bend my knees, pick up my feet, and I struggle on through the white wilderness, closer and closer to the finish line. I’m going to make it.

That’s when it all goes black. Continue reading

Europe’s Best Cemeteries #3

Père-Lachaise – Paris, France

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Everyone loves a celebrity corpse, and there are quite literally piles of them in Père-Lachaise. Renowned as the final resting place of Jim Morrison, this enormous Parisian landmark is also home to Oscar Wilde, Frédéric Chopin, Molière, Marcel Proust and Édith Piaf (three guesses what’s written on her tombstone. Wrong: there’s nothing.)

But it’s not all about the famous cadavers: come for the dead, stay for the décor. Père-Lachaise’s ornate memorials, leafy walkways and lovely smoke-free follies help create a calm oasis in the frantic French capital.

You can read the whole article – Killing Time in Europe’s Best Cemeteries – in the August edition of stalkingElk

Europe’s Best Cemeteries #2

Old Jewish Cemetery – Prague, Czech Republic

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The Old Jewish Cemetery in Prague is, rather predictably, a cemetery for old Jews: specifically, those who snuffed it between 1439 and 1787. During this time the Jewish community was kettled into a tiny ghetto, having to stuff their stiffs into a 60-metre-square graveyard, and so over three centuries it was crammed with around 100,000 bodies. Which explains why it has Europe’s highest concentration of tombstones.

FUN FACT!!! Prague’s famous cemetery only survived Nazi occupation because Hitler wanted to preserve it as ‘a museum to an extinct race’.

You can read the whole article – Killing Time in Europe’s Best Cemeteries – in the August edition of stalkingElk

Web spelling errors cost retailers ‘millions’

It’s official: spelling matters. New research reveals that simple spelling and grammatical mistakes cost web firms ‘millions of pounds’ each year.

Online entrepreneur Charles Duncombe claims that misspellings can foster major concerns about the credibility of a website, and therefore put off a slew of potential consumers – and potential income.

“Even cutting-edge companies depend upon old-fashioned skills,” says Mr Duncombe. “When you sell or communicate on the internet, 99% of the time it is done by the written word.” Continue reading

Cheryl Cole: Geordie Martyr?

There are many perfectly good reasons to sack Cheryl Cole, but her Newcastle accent shouldn’t be one of them

Three weeks. That’s all it took. Three measly weeks for Cheryl Cole’s role as chief mollycoddler of the musically mental to be savagely snatched away. Word has it, she was axed for her accent.

Of course, that may just have been a convenient motive to get shot of her: perhaps, behind the scenes, Fox execs were really sweating over her lack of profile Stateside; or at her dull, nodding-dog-style screen presence. But if we believe the News of the World (and why shouldn’t we?), it all came down to the way she speaks. In the 21st century, when television should celebrate and embrace diversity, that’s surely a damning indictment of America’s tolerance of English accents. Continue reading

An End to Fringe Bashing

Britons rejoice! Last Friday 6th August the Edinburgh Fringe Festival kicked off for the umpteenth time – sparking scenes of wild celebration across the UK. As all the nation’s most insufferable, preening, self-obsessed performer-brats occupy their next three weeks in the Scottish capital by wobbling around on tartan stilts and exposing their genitalia with little to no artistic justification, we ordinary folk elsewhere on this great island of ours can finally enjoy some quality, tosspot-free time. Rejoice!

Or rather, stop it. Stop it now. I’m looking at you, the ‘quality papers’ – because I’ve had quite enough of your Fringe bashing. I accept that the world’s largest arts festival has its flaws – there are undoubtedly too many fresh-faced Etonians attempting ill-informed political comedy, and Christ couldn’t we all do without the performance poetry – but the endless media piss-shower is really starting to grate. Continue reading

Coming Soon

I apologise profusely for the delay with this page but I promise you… this travel blog is coming very soon.

WATCH THIS SPACE!

In the meantime, why not take a look at a small but tasty selection of my published travel articles and blogs?

Or if you’re looking for a bit of aural stimulation, you should give The Chop House comedy podcast a whirl!

And if there’s anything else, just get in touch. Cheers!